Do you often find yourself in an argument with the significant other. and later regret the things you said while angry.
Here are some tips to help you learn how to express your anger without escalating the issue.
Lets try to understand it through a real life example.
When someone’s late, you are really angry and you want to
express your anger, the consequence will depend on how you communicate it.
Take a look at both the situations.
Situation A
YOU : “What ? You will be late again? You are always late!! You are just an irresponsible and a lazy person.”
THEM : I am stuck in traffic!! How dare you call me lazy and irresponsible!! As if you have never been late. huhh! You’re such a whiner.
YOU : You come late and have the audacity to call me a whiner ? You are just pathetic!! Always like to blame others.
THEM : Just shut up already.
(Now you both just keep quiet the entire evening)
Situation B
YOU : “I am so mad because we are getting late,
you know i hate waiting”
THEM : Sorry, just stuck in traffic. I’ll be there in a while.
YOU : Yeah, i am waiting.
(Now you both enjoy the evening)
In both cases, you express your anger. however, the consequences are different, because of the words used to express the anger.
Don’t’s
– Try not to start the sentence by blaming them.
– Do not generalise (eg – “You are always late” avoid using words like ‘always’ in other words, generalising. Because it only makes the other person angry as there may have been times when they were not late)
– Do not use Negative lables like Lazy or
irresponsible. Because to the other person its sounds like you are overlooking everything good that they have done. And choose to label them based on one mistake or one bad habit.
Do’s
– Emphasize on what you are feeling. (eg “I am really angry” or “I am so hurt”)
-Start the sentence with ‘I’. It helps to avoid
completely blaming the other person.
– Criticise them only for the mistake they did right now, instead of generalising or listing out all their mistakes.
Be mindful of the words you use because, using wrong words may make the other angry and issue will get escalated. While, using right words can make the other person realise their mistake and increase the chances that they do not repeat it often.
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